Not a sunny day

Today marks the 2nd day I'm 22 and getting older. Its been a soggy and grumpy morning. For the past 2 years i thought of creating a blog but so far haven't had the urge to build one till today. As the day gets colder i suddenly feel the distance between my course mates since they all became piano teachers (except the jazz musician which probably doing jamming sessions somewhere) and are busy with their new lifestyles. However, other friendship bond stronger and kinda think of it, it's not so bad after all. it just needs a few adjustments to make things comfortable even though it would not be the same again. Truthfully i do hope i can make it till the end of my final semester not too hard and i hope my research turns out rewarding enough to get into a good masters program. Haven't thought deep enough what to take yet, but one of my choices are music therapy, music for special needs, conducting and music business management. Haven't made up my mind yet, we'll see how things goes this semester.

This final semester I am taking introduction to theater, macroeconomics and my academic exercise. Trying to be different, I suppose, led me to minor in economics but i find Macro kinda difficult. I'll manage.....I hope. Looking back at previous semesters the courses that i enjoy the most are mostly practical courses with technically no final written exam like dance class, gamelan, keyboard and choir (although results were not excellent) made me more concerned in building teamwork and togetherness. Ensembles are really exiting because as pianist, its all about me. Me and me and me and none other else unless you play a concerto of course but so far we don't get to that level though. Being a pianist made me more an introvert than an extrovert. I feel a certain safety while playing and the excitement is overwhelming. The huge problem with me is my public performances on stage. I freak out big time, my heart might one day leave my rib cage and still keep on pumping hard. I dunno, hopefully i get a cure for this disease and make my playing more musical instead of worrying of my notes, articulations, rhythm and touch. Me and my great piano teacher is guiding me to adapt performers anxiety.

Anyway i hope this year will bring great things and i hope, (I do hope my pizza face with extra pepperoni will go away soon...It's been ages since i looked like this) that i can cope seeing my friends graduation. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them just feeling like they have left me for another path and probably will not see each other again makes me sad. I also need to spend on 15 bouquets of roses. Yikes! I might just burst...we'll see.